That's weird, another win for the machine against FAM.

Yay.

Extra Extra: Science Disproven.

In what amounted to a proverbial tar and feathering of the Franklin Farce, the Art Museum grabbed the reigns of their griffon war machine and laid bloody thunder to the land one base at a time. Not hell nor high water could step in the way of the mighty griffons, who with the power of the double wall disregarded all morals and ethics in their abuse of every patch of outfield grass beyond the reach of the (supposedly) honorable franklin defenders. When the dust was settled and the losing generals presented their arms over in defeat, the score was decisive. 10 runs would prove not to be enough to match the 12 faithfully scored by the griffons in the name of all that is winged and mighty. This effort was surely one of a solid team, but it would be remiss not to mention individual efforts that remind the more poetic among us of the likes of King Leonidas, or perhaps even Robert Redford.

Throughout the game both teams showed why they are among the strongest in the league.  Apart from a few miscues, The Machine and The Farce played the hell out of defense - surely the two most well-matched defenses in the league.  Leather was flashed pretty much everywhere except for short on both sides.  I don't think Ryan and Cal have ever been lonelier on the defensive side of the ball with a combined 4 putouts.  In the end though, it amounted to a few more timely hits by The Machine that gave them the edge.  Both Jeremy and Falcone led the charge in that department, each going 3 for 3.  When asked about it after the game, Falcone (after taking his last swig of Evan Williams) was quoted as saying, "Oh fuck, am I late for the game, I think I blacked out there for a minute."  All in all, lots of anxiety, lots of defense and LOTS of beers.


PMA Fantasy Tracker:
Major pointage was delivered by the right side of the outfield in the softball clinic held by the griffons Tuesday. Brooks and Kyle, channeling their inner spirit animals – the arctic fox and the narwhal, for those inquiring minds among us – scoffed at the thought of using modern technology and manned our overgrown right field sans cleats. Brooks at one point had to scale over a field goal post, mistakenly left in fair territory, into knee high weeds to just barely miss making a willie mays catch on what was surely a homerun ball at any field contained by fences. The catch would have been so amazing, the say hey kid himself agreed in an exclusive griffons softball interview that he’d have to rescind his status as the man who first made a willie mays catch. Based on their performances, it is now being speculated that Kyle and Brooks may be the two additional secret cybernetic beings fathered by Arnold Schwarzenneger, according to Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.

What To Watch For:
Well, I wouldn't hold your breath for Rapture.  How long are we going to keep letting this proselytizing fuck make outrageous claims?  Even worse, everyone who paid him any mind - including (at this moment) the author of this post.  Moving on, look for The Machine to begin suring up the core of their batting line-up as we role into the second have of the season.  Of equal note, apparently Olympic Motorboating has been discontinued since 1908, so I'll have to check back with The Farce's Ryan Whitmarsh to see how he and his two other Olympic hopefuls ( Cal of The Machine and Phyllis of "The Rape Cave" ) will be lobbying to reintroduce the event in perhaps a more intimate capacity.

Really?
Bob Ford was there.  He was quoted as saying, "Science and art is stupid."  I'm sure you can appreciate the irony.

The Machine Mashes Week Four

Phew!  Sorry for the delay folks.  Our writers went on strike for higher wages or less physical abuse or something... who knows.  Well anyway, we fired them and brought on a new staff of outsourced peasant children willing to work without bathroom breaks.  Diapers are apparently really cheap in third world countries. 

Well, we'll try to consolidate a bit here.  Last week the Mean Green Scoring Machine routed both the Please Help Me Museum as well as The Bishop's Chowder (aka 'Big John's Rape Cave').  Scoring a combined 32 runs between the two games, the Machine spread out it's offense like only the culturally refined can.  Notable Griffons Cara "ccHooch" Croke and Ronya "Flash" Gordon contributed in a big way against the Help Me Museum with multiple hits in key situations.  Newcomer Jeremy McCc(allenlin?)tock?  took the leadoff position by storm against 'The Rape Cave' scoring big runs early and flashing ridiculous leather at third and short.  It goes without saying the the Vets joined the hit parade.  Joey Fo' went yard on Monday and The Iron Man added three dingers in two days.  All in all, it was a good week with The Machine getting two W's behind some serious clout at the dish. 

PMA Fantasy Tracker:
Janette definitely takes the fantasy crown this week.  After The Machine pillaged a case of beer in two innings against the Please 'Come to Our' Museum, Janette took it upon herself to invoke a two case minimum that can only go up from there.  O yeah, and after an assassination attempt by The Rape Cave, by means of an "errant" throw to the head, Janette regained consciousness and immediately asked for a beer.  It's true grit and executive decisions like these that built this country. 

What To Watch For:
I don't want to sound too presumptuous, but I have a sneeking suspicion The Franklin Science-mongers are going to want to cancel their upcoming game with The Machine due to inclement weather.  I'm not claiming clairvoyance, but I know something most don't.  We'll keep you posted.

Really?
Science is fake.  Fact.  There, it's been said - in print.  Gravity was invented in 1680... 1680 was invented in 4713 B.C.E.

V.J. Siting:
No sign of Vince Jones this week.  We're hoping he didn't fly too close to the sun.  Damn wax wings.  Gamespeed Vince, gamespeed.

Griffons Draw a Win from Pen & Pencil

Another win for the Griffs.  Well, we started out really strong in the beginning with some killer offense from Bryan, Kyle, Ben, Ray and Jeremy all scoring runs in the 1st.  P&P's Lynch and Nevins scored two runs in the first as well but we were still up by three. Unfortunately we lost our edge in the 3rd when the Pencils came back and scored 6 runs.  Were we discouraged?  No!  Ben and Ray, spurred on by some superb cheering from the bench, scored again in the 6th to bring us 7-8.   There were some distant cries of "blown calls" during the 7th when Cal Ripken Jr. (aptly monickered by none other than Bob Ford himself) hit a fly to left causing Lisa "Fast as Light" Maita to tag third and make it home for another run.  These cries were quickly diminished when we scored three more runs in an extra inning for the win.  Overall we performed like any typical Philadelphia sports team: some great plays but several inconsistencies.  Our defense continues to be solid, Cal stopped anything that came his way and between he and Guilio they were a force to be reckoned with.

PMA Fantasy Tracker:
Fantasy points have not been easy to dole out in this young season.  Our staff spends countless hours pouring over reams of data to find the most divisive statistics for comparison.  In the end though, it was the clutch drinking by Frank "Falcone" Hadley that gave him the edge.  Downing a liter of Evan Williams before the Griff's went to the 8th inning, Falc displayed yet again his unrivaled domination in the game of drink.  When asked about his performance he was heard to have exclaimed, "I'm finished!"  He then threw his depleted Evan Williams bottle at the moon.  There has been no sign of the Earth's natural satellite since.

What To Watch For:
Everything.  Though I wouldn't lose too much sleep waiting for the moon to re-orbit.  I've also come across unverified information concerning the whereabouts of Darryl Greene's manhood.  More information to come.

Really?
I believe some confusion needs to be put to rest.  Firstly, arguing close calls in a co-ed beer league regular season softball game is less than dignified but understandable.  In the heat of the moment nobody likes to be wrong.  Following it up in print however reeks of desperation, though the other 7 innings were eventually accounted for.  This does bring up a heavily debated "hot-button" topic however.  Should we bring instant replay to the CCSL?

V.J. Siting:
Vincent Jones was reportedly seen riding a Griffon overhead during the middle of the third inning.  It may have also been a shooting star.  More information to come.

Griffons continue CCSL lead by beating the ZOO

Welp, Ray finally showed up.  Still recovering from his "surgery," our fearless captain led us to a second victory.  The Griffons started out slowly but their bats finally showed up and they came back in the fifth for the win.  There were a few moments of doubt in the 3rd when the Zoo was up six runs but the Griffons rallied and thanks to some of their all-stars they ended up beating them 14-7!

Once again two notable Griffon newcomers came through in a big way with clutch two out hitting.  Once the Griffs got started they were hitting one to eleven but it was on the backs of a two run home run by Jeremy and a two RBI double by Lisa "Left Eye" Maita.  The Griff's stud secondbasewoman, Janette, dominated defensively, duh, eating up everything that came her way.  All-star Barb (in between apologies to the opposing batters) pitched extremely well, yet again.    Frank did his best amidst gulps of G&T to cheer the team on and keep morale high.  Coach Solis turned some heads in the 7th with an unexpected pinch hitter.  New Griff, Teyona, really showed up with a single and scored shortly after to pad the lead.  Her dedication to getting a piece of that ball was stellar and helpful for the win.  Bryan Rice was there.  In the end though it came down to the unparalleled score keeping abilities of a one Cara Croke.  Without her unmatched recording skills the team would not have come out on top.

On deck the Griffs go against P&P.  Keep the momentum going Griffs, stay at the top!

Until next time, Game Speed.